Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women
- Thread starter Rominati
- Start date
Brandsdale
Big Yella
That nikka lives rent free in her head.
General Mills
More often than not I tend to take that L.
Lol she still wants him
Translation? ROSALÍA recounts her worst experience with one of her ex-boyfriends. (She is supposedly talking about an ex who is only 1.73 meters tall.)
“I had a boyfriend who was kind of ‘Morse code,’ you know? Emotional Morse code. I remember we were together for a few years — I can’t even say exactly how many — but we ended up breaking up.
Then the typical thing happened: a relapse, a week after the breakup. We had a relapse, started seeing each other again, and got back together.
At a certain point, out of nowhere, he drops a line on me. He turns to me and says:
‘How I missed my whore.’
When he said that, I went completely cold. I was in shock, paralyzed. Like a frozen strawberry ice cream, you know? I went flat, with no reaction at all. Horrible. Dead inside, lost. I couldn’t even respond. I was very, very shocked.
So that’s how I reacted: in that moment, I didn’t expect it at all and I just stayed there, without reacting. When I finally managed to react, I stood up, left, and never went back. Obviously. Goodbye.
That was very heavy for me. I was never able to forgive that. I think nowadays, maybe, I’m starting to get to a point where I could forgive it
Two pieces that I wanted to share, they highlight dynamics that I think about and post about a lot. The lack of romance. The fundamental changes to how people approach each other. If they are running this in the WSJ, it means it's way beyond an online trend, it's apart of mainstream culture.
If your grandma discovered grandpa voted differently, it was after knowing he was kind, reliable and funny. Today, we eliminate people pre-emptively based on ideology. The result: Dating has become nearly impossible, and social life is segregated by sex. Many Generation Z dating-app users filter by political views before any interaction. Women seek partners who won’t expect them to choose between career and family. Men filter out what they perceive as contempt for struggling economically. The math is brutal.
Political filtering eliminates swaths of potential partners based on assumptions we can’t test. The infrastructure that let previous generations test compatibility through behavior is gone. Independent bookstores are down roughly 30% since 2000, only 30% of young adults attend church monthly, and other affordable spaces to meet people have declined in popularity as dating apps rose. Without repeated low-stakes exposure, we can’t distinguish real incompatibility from bad first impressions.
We now meet through curated profiles, rarely observing character over time. Meanwhile, social infrastructure splits by sex. Campus finance clubs skew heavily male. Service organizations skew heavily female. Different spaces produce different algorithms, perceived realities and value frameworks. We’re not developing the capacity to disagree with people we like because we never interact long enough with people we might disagree with. The gap isn’t just making dating harder—it’s eliminating relationships that would prove our filters wrong.
If your grandma discovered grandpa voted differently, it was after knowing he was kind, reliable and funny. Today, we eliminate people pre-emptively based on ideology. The result: Dating has become nearly impossible, and social life is segregated by sex. Many Generation Z dating-app users filter by political views before any interaction. Women seek partners who won’t expect them to choose between career and family. Men filter out what they perceive as contempt for struggling economically. The math is brutal.
Political filtering eliminates swaths of potential partners based on assumptions we can’t test. The infrastructure that let previous generations test compatibility through behavior is gone. Independent bookstores are down roughly 30% since 2000, only 30% of young adults attend church monthly, and other affordable spaces to meet people have declined in popularity as dating apps rose. Without repeated low-stakes exposure, we can’t distinguish real incompatibility from bad first impressions.
We now meet through curated profiles, rarely observing character over time. Meanwhile, social infrastructure splits by sex. Campus finance clubs skew heavily male. Service organizations skew heavily female. Different spaces produce different algorithms, perceived realities and value frameworks. We’re not developing the capacity to disagree with people we like because we never interact long enough with people we might disagree with. The gap isn’t just making dating harder—it’s eliminating relationships that would prove our filters wrong.
But if we did away with old visions of romantic love, what would replace them? This is in some sense the question the man on the forum was asking about his wife: If what he experienced in marriage was toxic, then what came next?
The answer, it appears, is a kind of love that neither saves us nor breaks us. This new vision of love is cleaner, healthier. We should be with our partners because they enhance our lives in sensible ways. People should be compatible; relationships should be stable; we should be, above all else, emotionally safe. This is a tamer love, one that does not involve ardent self-sacrifice or world-shattering passions. It is the kind of love that might let you and your partner proudly tell a therapist about the progress you’ve made in “meeting each other’s needs.”
This sort of therapeutic language has lately taken over interpersonal relationships as a whole, from the bedroom to the dinner table to the office. The casual diagnosis of psychiatric disorders has become more common: We toss around descriptions of people’s personalities using DSM diagnostics like “narcissism” or “O.C.D.” People are hyperaware of “trauma” and “trauma responses” and even “generational” trauma; we talk constantly about “boundaries,” “wounds,” “attachment styles”; workers and bosses alike have learned to talk about “self-care.”
The psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams has written eloquently about the consequences of this turn. It used to be, she wrote, that a woman would arrive for therapy saying she was “painfully shy,” and wanted help dealing with social situations. Today, “a person with that concern is likely to tell me that she ‘has’ social phobia — as if an alien affliction has invaded her otherwise problem-free subjective life. People talk about themselves in acronyms oddly dissociated from their lived experience: ‘my O.C.D.,’ ‘my eating disorder,’ ‘my bipolar.’” McWilliams describes this as an “odd estrangement from one’s sense of an agentic self.”
@WIA20XX
Love reading your breakdowns. I love the analysis. I understood all that on the money and socioeconomic status, my tastes are more expensive and sophisticated than almost anyone, but she also works Nonprofit, so I have an idea what she makes, and it's nothing crazy. But I lack the resume and degree. Same thought on the pitbull. To your points, when I first asked where she grew up, she name dropped a very expensive area, then after we talked for awhile, she told me she went to high school in my neighborhood. You said some shyt just like that.
We talked about going to the same mall to go to movies as teenagers. I asked her the first album she bought, (Fugees The Score) mine was Usher My Way, and Harlem World. That already sets up an interesting dynamic. I genuinely love meeting women with shared background, just as much as I do the totally foreign background. I'll ask her out, my idea is casual first, and then somewhere nice. She got enough from our conversations to know my tastes and level of sophistication.
Love reading your breakdowns. I love the analysis. I understood all that on the money and socioeconomic status, my tastes are more expensive and sophisticated than almost anyone, but she also works Nonprofit, so I have an idea what she makes, and it's nothing crazy. But I lack the resume and degree. Same thought on the pitbull. To your points, when I first asked where she grew up, she name dropped a very expensive area, then after we talked for awhile, she told me she went to high school in my neighborhood. You said some shyt just like that.
We talked about going to the same mall to go to movies as teenagers. I asked her the first album she bought, (Fugees The Score) mine was Usher My Way, and Harlem World. That already sets up an interesting dynamic. I genuinely love meeting women with shared background, just as much as I do the totally foreign background. I'll ask her out, my idea is casual first, and then somewhere nice. She got enough from our conversations to know my tastes and level of sophistication.