How do I become more generally athletic? I want to be able to jump, run, climb, carry effectively. i was looking into crossfit but the meme's make it seem so goofy.
Welp not trying to be funny but to improve at those things you need to do those things so what can help you improve on aspects of those events/efforts.
Jump: Squats, Overhead standing press, Deadlifts
Run: Sprints, Long slow distance, interval training
Climb: improving your grip and upper body strength (pullups, chin ups, dips which can all be weighted and body weight movements)
carry: farmers carry/walk, deadlifts, back squats, bench press
You notice that is a mix of calisthenics, cardio, power movements/strength movements. If those are your overall goals I do think that something like CrossFit may be best for your overall fitness goals as it seems to me you want to just improve as an athlete in general. But no matter what you will still need to establish a strength base and maintain cardio.