I was renting out part of my life to bad tenants.......I was young and never paid attention to personality, character, values nothing I just cared what she looked like. If she was extremely attractive and she liked me and made the first move I'd date her. As time went on it became the same song and dance, now looking back some of the most beautiful women I ever dated were also the most toxic as I was overlooking the interior for the exterior just to be with them.
And many times I would stay longer than I should have. Codependency? meh maybe a little bit. Negative thoughts encompassing my mind....hmm maybe this it. I will never get another woman this beautiful again lol. So I stayed in toxic situations scared of the unknown, hoping for a change.
Time and time again I was going down the same path towards the same ending. Facing an individual I thought I knew extremely well, but in fact at the conclusion to my surprise I did not. I was then left in anguish, bitterness, anger and frustration - oh woe is me pity pity pity; this was not helping me at all except for leaving me stuck marinating in negative feelings. But this was my fault I was choosing women with no redeeming qualities at all. Sticking around because they were beautiful, hoping that I could change them/the situation - however all I was doing was renting space in my mind and my life to bad tenants so to speak.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability
As I got older, my thought process shifted immensely. I looked at the common denominator in all these situations and it was well this quirky individual staring back at me in the mirror. I was willingly jumping into these situations, I was willingly overlooking - I was the manager hiring not qualified individuals but I kept on looking the other way blaming them when I knew they did not have the qualifications in the first place, I had no one to blame but myself.
And with experience comes wisdom, I could either use that wisdom to my advantage or continue down the same vicious and toxic path. Meh I decided to use my wisdom instead. So while physical attraction is somewhat important to attract initially, in the end beauty fades. What good is being with someone I can't trust, who has no loyalty, who brings me down instead of enriching me, who doesn't share my values, who is just wasting my time. The terrible/sad thing about these unhealthy relationships/individuals is that they are very difficult to detach from - trust me I know first hand. However I decided I would rather be in a stable fulfilling relationship with someone who matches my values or embrace being single than to be anchored to a woman/relationship bringing me constant drama and discord. So I threw all my tokens for chaotic emotional roller coasters/toxic individuals and ahhhh peace!!!!!
So yeah I feel stronger now, much stronger. Knowing that I have the ability to now walk away from any situation/relationship/woman that is a detriment to my life. Although I had much more success with women when I looked the other way so to speak, life has never been so blissful (yes even single). I'm emotionally stable and grounded now, so much wiser only making sound decisions - RIP to neuroticism. So to pull that cliche quote everything happens for a reason meh at least thankfully I've rediscovered myself and refuse to let thoughts of frustration, disappointment, resentment or angry grow. Life is to wonderful for that.